The Care and Feeding of Nerds: bacon

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This Week in Geekdom

Posted by Kel

Happy weekend everyone and best wishes for a happy con to all you lucky nerds attending SPIEL and New York City Comic Con right now. One of these days we really should make the trip over to Germany and see all that Essen has to offer or get down to New York to get our comic con fix. Things have been a bit on the slow here in terms of new content here on the Care and Feeding of Nerds, but all that will change in the not-so-distant future (I promise!). In the meantime, let's get down to the week in geekdom.

Games

Bluepoint Games and Naughty Dog have pooled their resources to rebuild and release UNCHARTED: The Nathan Drake Collection for the newly repriced PS4. While this is, in itself, pretty exciting, it opened up the line of thought, "What other classic games should be rebooted for the PS4?"

Insurance policies, in my Metal Gear Solid Online? Here's the lowdown on this microtransaction and how it may impact future games.

Disappointed by Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5? Here's how EA is trying to learn from its competition and what it may have in store for Skate 4.

Movies/TV

Marvel is gung-ho to keep plowing ahead with its plans for Phase 3. The latest planned addition to the cinematic universe is Ant Man and the Wasp, which is slated to hit theaters in 2018.

Science/Technology

Some of the biggest headlines of the week came courtesy of the newest class of Nobel laureates. Meet your 2015 prize-winners in the fields of physics, chemistry, medicine, and all of the other awardable arenas.

Image Credit: NASA. Here's some additional detail about the research that captured this year's Physics Nobel

Turns out that Mars isn't the only one of our solar system siblings that plays host to water. Thanks to the image cache sent back from New Horizons, NASA has been able to confirm that Pluto not only contains ice, but boasts blue skies as well.

And that's not all. Here are the next five missions NASA would like to embark upon.

Construction isn't slated to begin until 2018, but scientists are already atwitter with excitement about the Square Kilometer Array (a.k.a. what may be our best tool in the search for intelligent alien life).

If you were ever a student in a U.S. high school, you likely had to make use of a TI-83 graphing calculator at some point in your academic career. The computational behemoths are still widely used throughout the country, and here's why.

The latest edition of Nature Communications contains the details of this effort out of MIT to produce the first fully-functional prototype of a miniature particle accelerator.

Speaking of particles, ever wonder how photons experience time?

For decades astronomers and physicists used gravitational effects to determine the mass of celestial bodies. New research from the University of Amsterdam, however, indicates that other methods may be just as, if not more, effective.

The most recent edition of Science Advances sounds like something straight out of science-fiction. Researchers at Lehigh University were able to control a fly's heartbeat using a laser.

While we're on the subject of supervillain-esque research, Nature details the research of George Church, his Harvard brethren, and a clutch of geneticists in China who have edited the genomes of pigs in order to allow them to be the perfect organ donors for humans.

Peto's Paradox described the phenomenon of the incidence rate of cancer being inversely correlated to an animal's size. Here's how a trip to the zoo spawned a detailed study at the University of Utah investigating this phenomenon.

As always, best wishes for an excellent week ahead!

NomNoms! Stuffed Soft Pretzels

Posted by Kel

Seriously, where has this year gone? Just further proof that time-passing-as-a-series-of-Lorenz-transformations phenomenon is real. Well, it's either that or sorcery. Clearly. In any case, we are long overdue for some new nomnoms and I've been saving up this recipe until the weather cooled to the point that it wouldn't be torturous to have the oven on. As it's been a few months, let's make the post a double nomnom feature! Below you'll find not one, but two different styles of stuffed soft pretzels!

Modified from the original recipe on Half Baked Harvest

Until recently, yeasted dough was my culinary kryptonite. It seemed that no matter how thoroughly I prepared or how diligently I monitored times and temperatures I'd be left with either something pungently fermented or depressingly lacking in anything resembling volume. My crimes against eukaryote-kind would mark me as a committer of mass fungicide for the rest of my days...or so I believed.

Like anything else, the key was practice. While you don't necessarily need a great deal of experience to make these pretzels, this is the single most difficult recipe that's been featured on the blog to date. There's no doubt you guys can totally handle this, but two things that will make your cooking experience easier even before you get down with some flour and fungus are as follows:

- Read all of the procedural and the Q&A first. This isn't a recipe you can follow along with as you go, as too many of the steps need to happen either concurrently or immediately after one another.

- If at all possible, conscript a sous chef. Assembling the pretzels will be exponentially less chaotic with another set of hands.

Difficulty: XCOM Classic (very advanced)

Availability of Ingredients: Somewhat common

Gadgetry: A stand mixer with a dough hook (optional)

Feeds: 12-24 nerds

Time Till Noms: 2-3 hours, depending on the size of the pretzels you're making

Required Equipment: 2 large serving bowls, a whisk, a large wooden spoon or stiff spatula, 1-2 small heatproof containers (ceramic mugs work nicely), a large pot or deep pan, several baking sheets, a frying pan, a rolling pin, plastic wrap, a slotted spoon or spatula, a grater, a pastry brush or a soft, clean paintbrush

Optional Equipment: A cooking thermometer, a citrus zester

Ingredients

For the pretzel dough (beer version)

2 cups whole wheat pastry flour

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 package active dry yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons)

2 tablespoons light brown sugar

4 ounces (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted and cooled

1 1/2 teaspoons sea salt or kosher salt

1/2 cups water

1 cup beer (or apple cider if you're making the sweet version of this)

Canola oil, ideally in spray form

3 quarts water, for boiling the pretzels

2/3 cups baking soda, for boiling the pretzels

1 egg, beaten, for brushing before baking

Coarse sea salt/kosher salt

For the filling (savory)

2 slices thick-cut bacon (optional)

1 tablespoon butter

1 clove garlic, minced, grated or smashed

1 tablespoon flour

1/2 cup milk

1 ounce cream cheese

1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

1/2 cup greek yogurt

1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (optional)

1/2 teaspoon pepper

1/2 cup (about 5 ounces) chopped spinach (can be fresh, but thaw if using frozen)

1 (6.7 ounce) jar grilled artichoke hearts or you can sub marinated artichokes, chopped

For the filling (sweet)

6-7 medium-sized apples

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 Tablespoons unsalted butter

the juice and zest of 1/2 of one lemon

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/8 teaspoon ground allspice

Making the dough

Step 1: Warm up the water to about 110-115 degrees (43.33-46.11 Celsius). This is well below the point at which it should boil, but should feel readily warm to the touch. I put the water in the microwave for 2 minutes on high, then let it stand at room temperature for another two minutes.

Step 2: Whisk the brown sugar, yeast, and water together in a bowl until the solids are dissolved (use the bowl of your stand mixer if you're using one). Let this sit for 5 minutes. This sweet bath is what activates the yeast.

Step 3: While your friendly symbiotes are waking up, warm up the beer (or cider) using the same method as you did to warm the water, then check the results of Step 2. When the yeast is ready, a bubbly froth will appear on the surface of the water.

Frothy, bubbly, happy yeast...for now

Step 4: Add the beer (cider), melted butter, salt, and both types of flour to the yeast bath mixture and stir with your spoon/spatula until everything is combined (low speed if you're using a stand mixer). It's easiest to add the flour to the wet ingredients in small increments of a 1/2 cup or less. If you're mixing by hand, it may take a little while before the dough begins to comport itself. You could even try mixing with your bare hands if you're so inclined! Increase to a medium speed if you're using a stand mixer. The dough will look smooth and begin to pull away from the sides of the bowl when it's ready (about 3 to 4 minutes with a mixer, 10-20 minutes if mixing by hand). If the dough appears too wet (it will be very sticky if this is the case), you can add a Tablespoon or two of flour.

It's the Final Countdown!

Step 5: Coat a large serving bowl with canola oil (a quick spray on all interior surfaces if using a spray). Remove the dough from your bowl, place on a flat surface, then knead it into a ball with your hands before placing the dough-ball into the bowl you just coated with oil. Cover the dough and bowl with a clean towel or a length of plastic wrap and leave it in a warm spot until the dough-ball doubles in size (apx. 1 hour). Begin the Yeast Countdown Clock!

Making the filling (savory)

Begin this with about 15-20 minutes remaining on your Yeast Countdown Clock.

Step Alpha: Warm your frying pan over a medium heat. While the pan is warming up, chop your bacon into small (1/4 inch, 0.635cm) pieces. By the time you finish chopping, the pan should be nice and warm. Cook the bacon until it's crispy, rendering out all the fat, then scoop out the crunchy goodness and set it aside on paper towel. Use the same frying pan, and the delectable bacon fat, for the remaining steps.

Step Beta: (begin here if you're not using bacon) Using a medium heat, melt the butter, then add the garlic. After 3-5 minutes the garlic bits will begin to turn golden brown. When you see this, add in the flour and stir to make a paste. Continue cooking and stirring for another minute or two, then add the milk.

Step Gamma: Add cream cheese, mozzarella, parmesan and pepper and stir until cheeses are completely melted. Once this is done, stir in the greek yogurt and blend until the whole mixture is smooth and uniform. After all these are mixed in, remove the pan from the heat.

Step Delta: Chop up the artichokes and spinach, then add these to the sauce. Return the pan to the heat source, then (if you're using it) add the bacon and stir to combine.

Making the filling (sweet)

Begin this with about 45 minutes remaining on your Yeast Countdown Clock.

Step Ά: Core and chop up the apples into small (1/4 inch, 0.635cm or smaller) pieces. When you've almost finished chopping, warm your frying pan over a medium heat and toss the butter into the pan.

Step β: When the butter has melted and your apples are chopped, transfer the apple pieces to the frying pan and stir them in the melted butter for a few minutes until the fruit starts expressing some of its juice.

Step Γ: Add the salt, sugar, and spices, then continue stirring for 5 minutes (the apples will start to soften and the peels will have paled in color if you kept them on).

Step Δ: Add the lemon zest and juice, then turn off the heat and let the mixture rest. It should start to thicken and get sticky as it cools.

Pretzels, assemble!

It's so fluffy!

Step 6: Preheat the oven to 425 degrees (218.33 Celsius). Spray or otherwise coat your baking sheets with canola oil.

Step 7: Remove your pretzel dough from its bowl, then divide it into as many equal sections as you prefer (I got 24-30 fist-sized pretzels from this dough). Using your rolling pin, roll each section of dough into a rectangle, stretching as needed with your fingers.

Step 8: Spread about a Tablespoon of your filling in a line along the center of your newly formed dough rectangles. Gently fold the dough over the filling, then pinch the seams together. If possible, give the dough a little roll along your prep surface to form an even cylinder and fully enclose the filling.

Step 9: Here's the tricky part. Take the two ends of each filled cylinder and cross them over one another to form into a circle, then twist the overlapping ends and lay them onto the circle edge closest to you in order to form a pretzel shape. Press the ends of the pretzel gently to form a seal. Repeat on all your dough cylinders.

Or not bother and make little twists like I did

Step 10: Bring your water to a boil in your large pot/deep pan and slowly add the baking soda to the water as it comes to temperature (it will fizz like the carbonation in soda). Working carefully, boil the pretzels in the water/soda solution 3-6 at a time for 30 seconds a batch, splashing the tops with the warmed water using a spoon. Remove with a large flat slotted spatula or spoon.

Step 11: Place the boiled pretzels on your greased baking sheets, then brush the tops with the egg wash and season liberally with sea salt (or cinnamon and sugar if you're doing the sweet version). Bake for 15 to 18 minutes or until pretzels are golden brown and WOOT, you've finally got some stuffed soft pretzels!

FAQ

What's with the boiling? Can't I just toss the pretzels in the oven once I've folded them?

You could, but then they really wouldn't be pretzels. The boiling process is where we get the Maillard reaction which, in turn, is what gives pretzels their distinct flavor and color. It's kind of unwieldy to do, but the boiling is completely worth it in the end.

You didn't specify what kind of Greek yogurt/milk/apple! What do I choose?

Pretty much any variety of those will work just fine; the selection ultimately comes down to your preference. Feel free to experiment with different fat contents in your milk/yogurt/cheese or any variety of apple.

I don't have a cooking thermometer. How do I ensure that I don't kill the yeast when I warm up the water/beer/cider or add the melted butter?

If you're in doubt, give the liquid a touch test. It should feel pleasantly warm (would make a warm, but suitable bath or shower). As mentioned above, another trick is letting the liquid sit at room temperature for the same amount of time that it was in your microwave.

Is it possible to let the dough rise too much?

Yes, but you'd have to let it rise for a long time before it got to that point. If the dough starts to smell more like beer than bread, pull it out of the bowl.

Making the dough stresses me out! Can I just use pre-made or frozen dough?

Definitely. Just follow the maker's instructions on thawing/rising, then make your filling. The only drawback to using pre-made dough is that it won't have the deep hoppy flavor or extra apple punch from the beer/cider.

As always, best of luck in your culinary adventures!

NomNoms! How to Make Potato Bacon Crisp

Posted by Kel

As things continue to chill out here in the Northern Hemisphere we get to indulge a bit more in comfort foods, particularly those that take their sweet time in the oven and make your living space come alive with spice-laden aromas. The following recipe is every bit that sort of comfort food and will have savory scents emanating from your oven for hours as it slowly progresses towards golden crispy perfection.

I found the original version of this (pictured above) a while back on the brilliant Smitten Kitchen and, after a bit of experimenting, came up with a few modifications to both the protocol and the ingredients (bacon, bacon, and bacon). Seriously, this blog has been up far too long without a single mention of bacon, for which I apologize.

Though this is one of the more labor-intensive recipes that have been featured on the blog, the work is entirely front-loaded and is mechanically simple, if potentially very time consuming. If at all possible, draft one or more friends into the prep work to cut down on the time spent chopping and soaking. More than a bit of elbow grease is involved, but it's very much worthwhile.

Difficulty: Intermediate

Availability of Ingredients: Most Common

Gadgetry: Optional

Feeds: 2-4 nerds

Time Till Noms: About 30 minutes of preparation, then 1.5-2 hours of baking

Required Equipment: A cutting board, a sharp knife, a large bowl, a ceramic mug, a baking dish (can be a casserole dish, a rectangular baking pan, or a Pyrex brownie pan), a frying pan, a few clean towels (paper or cloth)

Optional Equipment: A mandoline, a mortar and pestle

Ingredients

4-6 medium-to-large potatoes

1/4-1/2 pounds (110-220g) of bacon

1 large shallot

1/2 teaspoon of each of the following spices: oregano, rosemary, thyme, parsley

salt & pepper

1 Tablespoon of oil

1 Tablespoon butter

1 large, thinly sliced clove of garlic (optional)

8-12 ice cubes

*Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees*

Step 1: Fill your large bowl with cold water, then add your ice cubes and set the bowl aside. While the cubes go to work slowing down the molecular jostling of the water, wash each of your potatoes. You can certainly peel them if that's your preference, but I recommend leaving the skins on for extra crunch. If you're using a mandoline, set the blade to cut at 1/8'' (3mm) thickness. If you're using a knife, you'll want to slice the potatoes as close to 1/8'' (3mm) thick as you can. Potatoes at 1/8'' (3mm) thickness should be floppy, but not completely translucent. The idea is you want them to be crunchy, but also capable of being stacked vertically (more on this in a minute). Slice the potatoes.

Dried out and ready to be loaded up with butter

Step 2: Take your potato slides and dunk them in your ice water. This may seem like a weird thing to do, but has a significant impact on overall flavor. (See Stage One here for the reason why we do this) A quick wash, about 5-10 seconds or so, is sufficient. Remove the slices from the water and pat them dry with your towels. Depending on if you're attempting a full portion of this recipe, you may need to dunk the potatoes in batches. Melt the Tablespoon of butter and add the Tablespoon of oil (10-15 seconds in the microwave is a good, easy starting point to melting the butter). Peel the papery outer layer off your shallot, then pry apart each of the 'leaves' inside. You may want to cut each of the 'leaves' in half or in thirds lengthwise to ensure the shallot pieces get even placement in the final dish.

Slice and pry the shallots apart until they look like the pile on the left

Step 3: Pour half of your oil/butter mixture into the bottom of your baking dish, then swirl the dish to ensure the entire bottom gets an even coating. Add a few shakes of salt and some pepper to the remaining oil/butter mixture and whisk this briefly with a fork. Take a handful of your dried potato slices and start stacking them vertically in the baking dish. Continue stacking until you're out of slices. Wedge your bits of shallot 'leaves' at intervals between the potatoes until you're out of shallot. The potatoes should now fit very snugly inside the dish, to the point where inserting those last few shallot pieces may be difficult. If you are including thinly sliced cloves of garlic as well, insert these between the potato slices akin to the shallot pieces. Pour the remaining oil/butter mixture over the stacked potatoes, trying to get as even a distribution as possible.

If it looks like this you're ready for the oven

Step 4: Put the baking dish in the oven and allow the potatoes to cook for an hour and fifteen minutes. After you do this, set a timer for 1 hour.

Step 5: After an hour has passed, break out your bacon. BACON! Coarsely chop the bacon into 1/2'' (1.2 cm) pieces, then toss in a frying pan. Fry the bacon until it's just beginning to bubble and turn up (it should still be pink and floppy at this point). When the bacon reaches this point, remove the potatoes from the oven. Add the bacon and any remaining spices (thyme, rosemary, parsley, etc) atop the stacked potato slices. Try to arrange the bacon and herbs as evenly as possible. Return the baking dish to the oven for another 20-30 minutes.

Step 6: Remove golden brown potatoey bacony goodness from the oven and enjoy!

Voila! Time for noms!

FAQs

White potatoes are great and all, but can this recipe be done with sweet potatoes?

Definitely. In fact, you can incorporate any number of root vegetables in lieu of, or interspersed with, the potatoes. Turnips, sweet potatoes, taro, and parsnips (or even albino beets) will all serve wonderfully; just prepare these as you would white potatoes.

Can I add more to the oil/butter mixture and make it more of a sauce?

Of course. Depending on the root vegetables you choose to use in this recipe you can integrate other liquids into the mixture to kick up the flavor. For example, if you were trying to make this dish with sweet potatoes you could add some balsamic or apple cider vinegar to the mix. Or you could put a dash of chili or, if you wanted to get really fancy, truffle oil to imbue the potatoes with that essence. I'd recommend doing so in the last 30 minutes of cook time to prevent these flavorful additions from evaporating entirely.

A mandoline looks so badass. Is it worthwhile to pick one up?

Here's the thing: mandolines can be very handy to have around and, thankfully, they've become popular enough that you can get one at a reasonable price at many home goods stores. However, unless you do a LOT of lateral slicing (making dishes like these or, say, French fries from scratch) you can do without one in your kitchen. As effective as they are, they are often difficult to clean and must be used with extreme care. Those blades are no joke. So I'd say make an honest appraisal of how much you'd make use of this little device before running out to get one. Long story short, you won't see a mandoline entry in the Kitchen Codex. On most occasions a good sharp knife will do just as well.

Can I do this with turkey bacon?

You can do it with any cured meat or no meat at all if you wanted. For all my clamoring on about bacon, the potatoes are really the star of this recipe.

As always, best of luck in your culinary adventures!